HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA

As you can see by the title of this blog, this is my mother's birthday.  Today she would be 106 years old.  She died in 1988 at the age of 81.  I think about my mother most every day - something she said or something she did or something that I do that was taught to me by her.  She was quite a wonderful woman. She was a simple woman.  Her desire in life was to keep a spotless house, cook plain, simple food for her family and to take care of her children.  She didn't drive a car, play cards in canasta groups, or do much shopping.  Money, or the lack of it, always plagued her and she was very careful with the money that she had.  You might say that she was a bit "overprotective" with my brother and me but after losing her husband suddenly when she was just 28 years old and left with two children, no money and no work skills, she faced life always with her guard up. However, she was a woman of faith and that faith never wavered.  When she was stricken suddenly with rheumatoid arthritis in 1954 she spent the rest of her life in severe and constant pain.  Her spine curved and she was bent until she only stood about 4 feet tall.  She never complained.  She just kept on cleaning, cooking, going to church, and loving her son and me and all of her grandchildren.

As time went by it became harder and harder for her to handle living alone.  My brother lived in Florida and I lived in a small condo that had steps to the bedrooms.  She wanted to stay in her little house on Rudolph Street in East Nashville so she stayed and I checked on her and Aunt Ree lived down the street and between all of us she managed quite well, until she just became very incapacitated and had anxiety attacks, etc.  I decided at that time that due to the fact that winter was approaching and she would be confined to the inside it was only feasible that she go to Florida and stay with my brother until spring and then I would go get her and bring her home.  During her stay in Florida I visited with her twice and she, each time, asked me to take her home.  I told her that I would come and get her in May.

Well, May came and she did come home but not the way she wanted to come.  She passed away on May13, 1988.  As I was taking care of the arrangements it occurred to me that I thought she would always be there for me.  She always had been and no matter what I did or said she thought it was okay.  I asked her once if she was mad at me because I had not been to see her recently and her answer was "I have never been mad at you in my life".  I sure wish I could say that because I had been mad at her several times when she would exhibit a stubborn streak or refuse to go to the doctor or some such thing.

I found out something after she left me.  Children belong to their parents forever.  We face their deaths, becoming the matriarchs and patriarchs of our families against our wills.  But at any age, the hearts of the children we are cry "I want my mama".  I wouldn't have her back in the condition that she was because I know that she is in heaven, dancing around in her house dress and lace up shoes, singing hymns to the top of her lungs, smiling and visiting with all of her sisters and brothers that she loved so much and that is what she lived for and what she planned for all of her life. But nonetheless I am one of those children that still say "I want my mama" on lots of occasions when my life is in turmoil or change or even when things are going wonderfully well.  The one thing that sustains me in those times is the knowledge that one day I will see her again and I can tell her all about her grandchildren, great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren and she will smile and say "tell me more".  I know this will happen because God is good - all the time.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA  and yes I still need you.

Brrrrr - It's January and Cold

As the song says "Baby It's Cold Outside"!  I believe that the temperature is about 20 degrees now - up from 17 last night.  I am so lucky that I am inside my lovely apartment, warm, cozy, Houston at my feet, and no obligations that would take me outside to brave the cold temperature and wind.  I can remember so many mornings such as this when I would dress and go to work, shivering and griping all the way.  That was so wrong because I was fortunate to have a good job and, even now after all these years, I do miss the people, the work, the feeling of doing something important and making a difference.  I miss the busyness of all of the years of working, keeping house, cooking meals, raising my girls and all of the many tasks that I performed.  However, life goes on and what was important then has been replaced by other things.  It does appear that I have time on my hands now and that distresses me. 

Moving on to other things I must tell you that my New Years Eve and New Years Day celebrations were replaced by the intestinal virus and I was very sick.  No nice dinner with Paul at a special restaurant, no fireworks display to be watched, no singing Ailed Lang Syne (which I don't understand that song at all) but lying in the bed feeling that I was being prepared to leave this earth forever and really didn't care.  However, as all things must come to an end so did this nausea and weakness.  I am happy to say that after a few days I was okay and I did go to a nice restaurant and ate a big, beautiful steak with all the side dishes.  I have been pretty busy this month with the job of "reorganizing".  I always start out the year with so many great ideas and then, unless I have some motivation, I don't finish.  Kim is my motivation this year.  She came out and started on my wonderful closet in my office where I had put everything and nothing was where it should be.  You could open the door and see lots of mess but had no idea what it was.  She has really gotten into the act and now there are bags hanging, boxes containing files that are labeled and shelves are orderly and neat.  Now the trick is to keep it that way.  I have lots of projects to start and, hopefully, complete such as a 2012 scrapbook, make a new address book that is neat and orderly with correct addresses and phone numbers, bring the family genealogy list up-to-date and I'm sure there are other things that I will attempt.  The trick is to finish.

Speaking of Kim, we celebrated her birthday on the 18th with lunch at Chili's Restaurant.  Her husband, Brad, had given her a Pandora bracelet with a charm of her birthday and a heart.  Her sisters and I added charms for John Patrick and Joesea's birthdays.  She was delighted.  She has wanted one of these bracelets for some time.  Patrick and Mikka gave her a girl and boy charms so she is filling the bracelet up with those that are most dear to her heart.  The 21st of this month is a red letter day for our family because that is the date that Kim was declared to be Cancer Free in 2010.  Three cancer free years is just the biggest blessing we could ask for.

I visited my eye doctor last week and he doesn't think my macular degeneration is any worse than last year.  That is a good thing.  He does, however, insist that I see a retina specialist so that appointment has been made and I will go to see what his assessment of my condition is next week.  As long as I can read, watch TV and enjoy the beautiful sunshine or even the clouds and rain I will not complain.  I do miss driving my car.  I find myself thinking I need to run here or there or do this or that in the car and then remember that I don't have a car and, amazingly, I realize that I really don't need to go or do anything right then any way.  It is a habit of hopping in the car for a quick trip to the grocery that is really not necessary but old habits are hard to break and I suppose that one day I will not miss my car but to be totally honest, I do miss my car and I miss the opportunities that it offered. It is not fun to be dependent upon others. 

Well, I suppose that I have covered the month of January except for telling that Sunday afternoon I went with Barbara and Jane Haney to  Belmont University for Mary Claire Lutz's Senior Recital.  She is in the School of Music and Theater at Belmont and she wrote a play in which she told the story of her life with song, dance and drama.  It was delightful and I enjoyed every minute.  After the performance we went to a restaurant for dinner and that was good.  I had not seen Barbara in quite some time and it is always fun to be with her.  As usual, her Christmas tree and decorations are still in her house and I always love to tease her about that.  I told her I would come next month and we would put hearts on the tree and use it for Valentine.  She just laughed and said she enjoyed her tree.  In fact, she is just now sending out her Christmas cards.  She is one unique person and I do love her personality.  I'm glad that I have her for my friend. 

I do hope that we will not have all of this cold weather and not have at least one good snow fall.  I do love snow and I look forward to Houston and I going outside and walking in the snow.  He has a sweater and I have lots of cold weather clothes so we could enjoy a lovely day in the snow.  Until then I will be content with whatever weather that comes and I know that it will be okay because God is good - all the time.