JUANITA

This evening, as I sit here at my computer, I am immersed in unbelievable sadness and grief. I was notified this afternoon that my cousin, Juanita Russell McClanahan, has passed away at the Jackson Park Christian Home. She had been a patient there for three years. She had Alzheimer's disease and had not been able to speak or walk for a long time. Nita and I visited her on Tuesday. She was sleeping when we arrived and her daughter, Patti, tried in vain to get her to respond to our presence. However, after the nurses came to turn her and attend to her needs she was more alert and I knelt by her bed to talk to her. She looked at me and did her little "jabber" talk and I would love to think that she understood who I was and what I was saying. The same goes for Nita when she talked to her. We left that day thinking that she probably would not live long but we intended to go back for another visit which will never take place.

For many years Juanita has not been herself. That horrible disease takes away a person's dignity, personality and no matter how intelligent or talented someone may be nothing is apparent other than frustration and anger with an occasional return to loveliness. However, I have spent this entire afternoon going back beyond all of that to the days of my childhood, my youth, and my young adult life. She was such a huge part of that time of my life. In fact, I think I can say without reservation that she was the greatest influence in my life. As a child she took care of me, she took me to the library and taught me to read, she took me on trips, she bought me beautiful clothes and accessories, she loved my children and was so delighted that my first born daughter was named for her. She taught me to love art and gave me entry into the "art community" where I was exposed to people of every persuasion. Visiting art galleries was a rare and enjoyable experience for me as I was introduced to all of the masters at an early age. As much as I loved rock and roll music I learned that Bach, Brahms and Chopin were wonderful and to be enjoyed in their own right. When she married Jack McClanahan we shared a duplex on Greerland Drive and it was so much fun to "play house" with my big sister. We would cook together and talk for hours. As she moved into the role of wife, mother to her two children - John and Patti - and lived in one part of town and I, with my family, lived in another part of town our visits were few and far between but we stayed connected nevertheless. In later life we were able to spend more time together and she was a help when I was caring for Aunt Ree in my home.

I could go on and on and write many stories of things we did, our trips to New York, our beach trips to Daytona and our many afternoons sitting on her porch just talking about life in general but I will just say that my life will have a big empty spot without Juanita and I will think of so many things that I would like to tell her and ask for her advice but she has gone on to be with her husband, her brother and her mother. She will be able to talk again and, boy did she love to talk, and maybe she will paint some more paintings and chisel some more marble into interesting sculptures. I would like to think so anyway. I will miss her and I will always love her and my life is richer for having had her in it. Wasn't God good to let me have her for 77 years? He is good - all the time.

Good night, Sis!